Communication

Mandi and I had an appointment with a doctor this morning in order to diagnose some problems Mandi has been experiencing over the course of the last couple of weeks. Before I get too far into what happened, allow me to set the background a bit. You see, these problems Mandi has had are of the "female" version, if you will, and have been what we consider pretty scary. She's been in a lot of pain, along with other symptoms which led us to believe something was really not right. So, she had an appointment with a mid-wife at the care clinic we have used for our pregnancies, and that was on Tuesday of this week. Mandi came away from there feeling as though the mid-wife whom she saw (who was not our regular one) didn't take her very seriously, or at least acted like what Mandi has been experiencing just wasn't that big of a deal. Never the less, she ordered an ultra-sound for Mandi, to be done on Wednesday. Mandi had the ultra-sound done, and got those results back yesterday. The nurse with whom Mandi spoke yesterday sounded pretty serious, alarmed even, as she revealed the results. She told Mandi she needed to make an appointment with the doctor either Thursday afternoon, or this morning. Mandi opted for this morning so we could get work schedules and child care arranged, and that's where we found ourselves this morning.

We went into the office expecting the worst in terms of further diagnosis, and then treatment options. What we got seemed to be yet another opinion that what Mandi was experiencing wasn't a big deal, and the doctor ultimately made Mandi feel like she was kind of stupid for even being in his office. My hunch is that he didn't mean to make her feel that way, but the way he came across was horrible, to say the least. In the end, Mandi broke down in tears and told the doctor that what she was going through was not normal, she didn't deserve to live like she has been, and she wanted some answers. The doctor went on the defense and again, acted like everything he was saying was correct and we had no business being upset. He really believed he had done nothing wrong, whatsoever.

Now, I sincerely believe this doctor never intended to come across the way he did, and I sincerely believe his goal was to ultimately fix the problem. But he failed miserably in his compassion for Mandi and her ailments. Two thoughts surfaced in my mind during and after this entire experience. First, how realistic is it to expect a male doctor, even if he's the most knowledgeable in the world of the inner-workings of the female anatomy, to feel compassion and have understanding for a female patient experiencing these kinds of issues? I mean, really. Any male reading this care to comment? Men just don't get it, and we never will. It's just like childbirth - as a father who was there for every last second of my wife's pregnancies, I can say I experienced the birthing process just as much as I could. I studied the process, I watched the process unfold before my very eyes, and it was the most incredible thing I've ever witnessed, and the most incredible thing I ever will witness. But in the end, I don't have a clue what it was like to birth my children. Not a clue from Mandi's perspective. How in the world could I? On the same front, is it fair to a female patient to expect a male doctor to really "get" what she is going through? I don't know - I'm still on the fence, but I'm leaning towards the not so fair side.

Second, and I'll be frank. The interpersonal communication skills of the doctor whom we saw this morning flat sucked. He was horrible. He simply showed zero compassion, and it seems to me his profession would mandate some sort of skill in this area. He's charged with seeing people at the not-so-great moments in their lives, at least some of the time, and this poor bastard couldn't muster an ounce of compassion, or so it seemed. Maybe the compassion was there, and he just didn't know how to show it. At any rate, it really got me thinking about my own communication skills on a whole bunch of fronts. With my kids. With my wife. With my family. With the people who I talk to on the phone at the 9-1-1 Center. As a supervisor at the same center, with my staff. How do I come across? Am I effectively communicating what I want to say? Do I sound professional? Do I sound compassionate, empathetic, interested, caring? I can't say I was happy with the appointment this morning, but I can at least say it forced me to analyze my own communication efforts.