The Ancient Art of Cheese and Macaroni Preparation

In my continuing quest for culinary mastery of Kraft Cheese and Macaroni, I have reached a stage in which said mastery is seemingly within my grasp, yet forever elusive. It has become rather frustrating, yet for some reason, the pursuit of this mastery is irresistible. I liken it to the bug and the bug light concept. The bug sees the bug light, and simply can't resist being drawn towards it, all the while knowing that death is imminent. In much the same way, I am so close to achieving complete mastery of Kraft Cheese and Macaroni preparation, yet it's the final step, which I will get to in a minute, that does me in every time. But even knowing that I will be once again foiled by the final step does nothing for my resistance to trying.

Seriously, people, this is not something at which to laugh. It has been a long, hard journey towards striking just the right balance with macaroni and cheese. The first step was simply realizing there is no other boxed macaroni and cheese that compares to Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. Period. The competition is laughable, at best. I discovered this shortly after my dear wife began helping (demanding might be a better word) me to engage in a more frugal lifestyle. Some corners, I learned, just can't be cut. One such corner is quality boxed macaroni and cheese, for there is simply no substitute for Kraft unless it's strictly homemade. I now demand nothing else but Kraft when my wife goes shopping for groceries, and while she probably rolls her eyes and shakes her pretty little head behind my back, she also figures that if spending a few extra pennies on the good stuff will make me happy, than I'm a pretty easy fix. Whatever.

The next step was a painful one. You see, with three children in the house, one learns very quickly how to be quick and efficient in virtually every facet of life. Multitasking isn't just a desirable trait when raising multiple offspring, it's a necessary survival skill. This, of course, includes the ability to churn out meals in mere minutes. In my efforts to accomplish this feat, I began to realize the time-saving advantage of scrapping the measuring cups and spoons for the so-called "scant-measure" logic. Adding a quarter cup of milk to the macaroni and cheese no longer meant taking out the measuring cup and measuring, but rather just dumping what I estimated to be a quarter cup of milk into the pot. Sweet. Nice time saver. No more measuring the butter, just scoop a hunk out of the butter tub and toss it into the mixture.

Well, I soon realized just how crappy the macaroni and cheese tasted. It was either too runny, or too chunky (from the processed powdered cheese and not enough milk), or one of several other such maladies. Thus, lesson #2...ALWAYS measure the ingredients exactly per the directions for mac and cheese perfection! Hey, these Kraft folks have been doing the mac and cheese thing for years. They know how exactly how much butter and milk to add to the final product, and there's no room for cutting corners. As proof to my argument, my wife hasn't quite followed in my footsteps when it comes to precise measurements, and the kids know it. She'll even admit her mac and cheese isn't as good as mine. It's all about following the recipe.

So what exactly is this elusive last step to which I have alluded? Actually, it really has nothing to do with the overall final taste. Rather, it's about that damn white foam which forms on top of the boiling water while cooking the pasta (any pasta, actually - not just macaroni) and always boils over unless tended to constantly. I am not knowledgeable enough to know where this foam comes from, or why pasta seems to produce it. What I do know is that it's a nuisance, to put it nicely. A big pain-in-the-ass, to put it not-so-nicely. I've learned that if I blow cool air on the foam as it approaches the boiling-over point, it will recede for a short time, but it doesn't take long to return to the boiling-over point. So how the hell do you stop this stuff? What's the answer????? Anyone???????????????

I will continue to reach deep within my inner-Kraft-Cheese-and-Macaroni-yen until I discover the hidden mastership of this art. I will not fail. And when I succeed, it will be a glorious day. Until then, I shall press forward in pursuit of knowledge.

(As a side-note, I began typing this post before work yesterday and was unable to complete it. When I got to work, I was told by a co-worker that the white foam could be avoided by adding some oil to the water. Thoughts? I will try this trick next week when mac-and-cheese day comes around again.)